My Aging Parent Needs Help at Home: A Guide for Philadelphia Families

You may not remember exactly when you started worrying about Mom or Dad. Maybe you opened the refrigerator during a visit and realized there was hardly any food inside, or Dad mentioned that he “slipped a little” in the bathroom and then quickly changed the subject.

Maybe Mom has always been particular about her appearance, but lately she has been wearing the same clothes for several days. Or maybe nothing dramatic has happened at all. You simply find yourself calling more often, stopping by more often, and wondering whether something has changed.

Is my parent still safe living at home alone?

If that question has been on your mind, you are not alone. For many adult sons and daughters, looking for home care doesn’t begin with a diagnosis or a major emergency. It begins with small changes that make you realize your parent may need more help than they are willing to admit.

The good news is that needing help does not automatically mean your parent has to leave the home they love. For families throughout Philadelphia, the Main Line, and surrounding Southeast Pennsylvania communities, in-home care can provide anything from a few hours of help each week to 24-hour support.

Here’s how to figure out what your parent may need.

How Do I Know If My Elderly Parent Needs Help at Home?

This is usually the first question families ask. Sometimes the signs are obvious, but often they are small changes that are easy to explain away one at a time.

During your next visit with your mom or dad, pay attention to what has changed. You might notice:

• Food going bad in the refrigerator
• Mom or Dad losing weight
• Pills being missed or taken at the wrong time
• Laundry piling up
• Dishes sitting in the sink
• A home that is much more cluttered than usual
• Difficulty getting up from a chair
• Trouble walking or using the stairs
• Bruises they cannot easily explain
• A recent fall or several near-falls
• Wearing the same clothes repeatedly
• Difficulty bathing or grooming
• Missed appointments
• Less interest in seeing friends or leaving the house
• Increasing confusion with ordinary routines
• Frequent calls to you for help with things they previously handled themselves

One of these things by itself may not mean your parent needs a caregiver. Several of them happening together, however, are worth paying attention to.

There is another sign families don’t always put on the list: your own life is beginning to revolve around keeping your parent safe.

If you are constantly checking your phone, leaving work to handle problems, driving over to prepare meals, organizing medications, taking Mom to appointments, doing Dad’s laundry, or asking a neighbor to check whether everything is okay, your parent may not be the only person who needs more support.

“Mom Says She’s Fine, But I’m Not Sure.”

This is one of the most difficult parts of caring for an aging parent. Your mother may insist she does not need help, while your father may tell you that bringing a caregiver into the house is completely unnecessary.

That doesn’t necessarily mean they are hiding something from you. Your parent may genuinely see things differently because their home represents independence, familiarity, and control over their own life.

Accepting help can feel like admitting that something has changed. That is why the way you begin the conversation matters.

Instead of saying:

“You can’t take care of yourself anymore.”

Try focusing on the problem you are both trying to solve:

“I want to make it easier for you to stay in your house.”

Or:

“I’d feel better if somebody could help you with the things that are getting harder.”

Home care does not have to mean someone suddenly moves into the house around the clock. It can begin with just a few hours of help and grow only if your parent’s needs change.

What Kind of Help Can a Caregiver Provide for My Parent?

This is where many families become confused because “home care” can mean many different things. A useful way to think about it is to look at the parts of your parent’s day that are becoming difficult, stressful, or unsafe.

If Mom Is Having Trouble Bathing, Dressing, or Getting Around

Personal care may be the place to start. A caregiver can help an aging parent with everyday activities such as:

• Bathing
• Dressing
• Grooming
• Toileting
• Walking
• Getting in and out of a bed or chair
• Other daily routines that have become difficult

For a parent, accepting help with personal care can be sensitive. For a son or daughter, providing that care yourself can also change the parent-child relationship in ways that neither of you expected.

Professional assistance can allow you to spend more of your time being their daughter or son instead of being responsible for every part of their daily care.

If You’re Worried About Mom or Dad Falling

A fall often changes the conversation very quickly. Maybe your parent has already fallen, or you’ve noticed them grabbing furniture as they walk from room to room.

You may find yourself getting nervous every time Mom uses the stairs. Or maybe Dad has started using a walker but still insists on carrying the laundry downstairs by himself.

These small moments can be signs that your parent needs more support at home. A home care plan can include fall-prevention support, help with walking and mobility, and assistance with everyday activities that have become less safe to do alone.

It’s also worth taking a closer look at the home itself. Loose rugs, poor lighting, cluttered walkways, missing bathroom grab bars, and difficult stairs can all make an aging parent more vulnerable to a fall.

LightSpring Home Care can assess home-safety concerns and incorporate fall-prevention strategies into a parent’s care plan. The goal is to help Mom or Dad continue moving around the home as safely and independently as possible.

If Your Parent Is Forgetting Medications

Medication is another common reason adult children begin searching for help. You may find yourself wondering whether Mom took her pills this morning, whether Dad accidentally took them twice, or why there seem to be too many pills left in the bottle.

A caregiver can provide medication reminders as part of an established home care plan. This can be especially helpful when your parent is otherwise fairly independent but needs another person there to help keep the day’s routine on track.

Questions involving medications, dosages, side effects, or changes to treatment should still be handled by the appropriate physician, nurse, or pharmacist.

If Dad Shouldn’t Be Driving Anymore

Giving up the car can feel like one of the biggest losses of independence for an older adult. But not driving should not mean Dad can no longer get to the doctor, buy groceries, get a haircut, meet a friend for lunch, or attend a family gathering.

Transportation and errand assistance can help your parent continue doing the things that make life feel normal. A caregiver may be able to assist with:

• Doctor appointments
• Physical therapy
• Grocery shopping
• Pharmacy trips
• Personal appointments
• Errands
• Social activities

This type of help can also take considerable pressure off adult children who have gradually become the family’s default driver.

If Mom’s House Is Becoming Too Much for Her

You may notice changes around the house before you notice anything else. The laundry isn’t getting done, the sheets aren’t being changed, dishes are sitting in the sink, or the trash hasn’t gone out.

These changes do not necessarily mean your parent doesn’t care anymore. Housework simply becomes harder when someone has less strength, reduced balance, arthritis, pain, fatigue, or limited mobility.

Light housekeeping and laundry assistance can help an aging parent maintain a comfortable home without using all of their energy just trying to keep up with chores.

If Your Parent Lives Alone and Seems Lonely

A parent can be physically capable of living alone and still spend far too much time alone. This becomes especially common after a spouse dies, friends move away, driving stops, or health problems make social activities more difficult.

Companion care gives Mom or Dad someone to talk with and spend time with. That may include:

• Having lunch together
• Talking over coffee
• Going for a walk
• Playing cards
• Working on a favorite hobby
• Going on an outing
• Simply having another person in the house

If you live outside Philadelphia or cannot visit your parent as often as you would like, regular companionship can also give you another set of eyes and ears in the home.

If Your Parent Is Coming Home From the Hospital or Having Surgery

Another question families often ask is: “My elderly parent is coming home from the hospital. What help will they need?”

A hospital discharge can happen quickly. Suddenly you are trying to figure out transportation, meals, medications, follow-up appointments, bathing, mobility, laundry, and who will be with Mom or Dad once they get home.

Post-operative home care can help during that transition. A caregiver may assist with everyday non-medical needs while your parent recovers, including:

• Getting around the home
• Bathing and dressing
• Meals
• Medication reminders
• Transportation to follow-up appointments
• Picking up prescriptions
• Grocery shopping
• Laundry and light housekeeping
• Companionship

If your parent’s surgery is scheduled in advance, it is often easier to arrange help before the procedure rather than trying to find a caregiver on the day they are discharged.

What If My Parent Cannot Safely Be Left Alone?

Sometimes a few hours of care is enough. Sometimes it isn’t, particularly when a parent needs frequent assistance or you no longer feel comfortable with them being alone for long periods.

You may find yourself asking, “Does my mom need 24-hour care?” or “Can my elderly father still live at home if he needs someone with him all the time?”

For parents who need continuous assistance or supervision, 24-hour home care may be an option. With 24-hour care, caregivers rotate so that someone is available throughout the day and night.

Live-in care may also be appropriate in some circumstances. These options can allow an older adult with greater care needs to remain in familiar surroundings rather than automatically moving to another setting.

How Much Home Care Does My Parent Need?

There is no standard answer because every family is different. One parent may need help three mornings a week, while another needs somebody every afternoon or assistance after dinner and before bed.

Another parent may no longer be safe when left alone. Instead of starting with a number of hours, start by thinking about your parent’s normal day.

When are you most worried about Mom or Dad?

Is it when they shower or use the stairs? Is it when they prepare meals, take medication, leave the house, or get ready for bed?

Maybe your biggest concern is simply the time when nobody else is there. Those answers can help determine what a realistic care schedule should look like.

What If I Live Far Away From My Aging Parent?

Long-distance caregiving brings its own kind of worry. Maybe your mother lives in Bryn Mawr and you live in New York, or Dad is still in the family home outside Philadelphia while you live several states away.

A ten-minute phone call can tell you that your parent sounds okay. It cannot tell you whether there is food in the refrigerator, whether the laundry has been done, whether medications were taken, or whether Mom nearly fell getting out of the shower.

Professional home care can provide local, hands-on support when adult children cannot be there every day. It does not replace your role in your parent’s life. It gives you help carrying it.

How Do I Find a Caregiver for My Elderly Parent in Philadelphia?

If you have reached the point where you are searching for a caregiver, don’t focus only on whether an agency can put someone in the home. Ask how the care relationship is handled and what happens after care begins.

Questions worth asking include:

• How will you determine what my parent needs?
• How are caregivers matched with clients?
• Can we meet the caregiver?
• What happens if the caregiver isn’t a good fit?
• Who do I call when I have a concern?
• What happens if our caregiver is unavailable?
• Can the schedule change as my parent’s needs change?
• Can you coordinate with other healthcare providers when necessary?
• Do you provide care in my parent’s neighborhood?
• Can we start with part-time help and increase care later?

LightSpring works with clients and their families to develop an individualized care plan, identify an appropriate caregiver match, determine the frequency and duration of visits, and follow up after care begins.

That matters because the person who needs to feel comfortable with the arrangement isn’t only you. It’s your parent.

Home Care for Aging Parents in Philadelphia and the Main Line

LightSpring Home Care helps families who need care for an aging parent throughout Philadelphia and surrounding Southeast Pennsylvania communities. Care is available for families looking for help with needs including:

• Personal care and activities of daily living
• Fall prevention and home safety
• Transportation and errands
• Laundry and light housekeeping
• Companion care
• Medication reminders
• Post-operative home care
• Short-term care needs
• 24-hour home care
• Live-in care

LightSpring has offices in Philadelphia and Bryn Mawr and serves families throughout the surrounding region.

You Don’t Have to Wait Until Something Bad Happens

Many sons and daughters start looking for help only after something happens. Mom falls, Dad ends up in the hospital, a neighbor calls, or someone misses an important medication.

Sometimes the turning point is less dramatic. A daughter realizes she cannot keep leaving work three afternoons a week, or a son realizes that calling Dad every night is no longer enough to know that he is safe.

You do not have to wait for that moment. If you are already asking yourself whether your parent needs help at home, it is reasonable to find out what your options are now.

That doesn’t commit your parent to full-time care, and it doesn’t mean taking away their independence. Sometimes the right answer is simply having someone come by a few days a week to make the parts of daily life that have become difficult a little easier.

And sometimes that small amount of help is exactly what allows Mom or Dad to keep living at home.